I guess it is actually me who has been missing. There’s been a lot of change in our lives and OIT has been a blessing and even something we cursed. I have much to share, so I will. Stay tuned…
It’s Sunday and in my house, that means it’s meal planning day. A necessary evil to keep on track with our budget and our health. If there’s one thing that does the most to save on our grocery bill and my sanity, it’s this. No more panicked pizza ordering to the tune of $25 a pop. Now, the actual planning itself has it’s own issues. I don’t know why this is the one area my family chooses not to have an opinion but suddenly when I ask what they want for dinner, all I hear is crickets. Sure enough, if I come up with something healthy and amazing, they detest it and wonder why I didn’t make something else. Um…..?
I’m drowning. I don’t want to admit it because I’m strong and never want to be seen as anything else, but I am. While my son’s actual treatment didn’t cost us a lot of out pocket (especially compared to what he gained) there is fall out…months that I wasn’t working, among other things. Peanut butter is cheap but asthma medication is not. I think our insurance company is punishing us for 6 months worth of weekly doctor’s appointments. There are bills for an overnight trip to the hospital after my son, American Ninja Warrior style. swung off the couch, saw sparkles and got a concussion. I’ve tried to blog about it but it’s traumatic to think about so I don’t. I’m scared to death some random, normal, childhood fall will cause THAT again and my kids think I’m being a safety freak.
Seven months as a single parent to two young children and a crazy dog in Utah was hard. Intentionally giving my son his food allergen twice a day, even though the end result was life-changing and freeing, was harder. I knew when the process was over that we would never, ever be the same and we are not. For the first few months back in our new home in Arizona and as a family again, my incessant need to make a house a home took a backseat as we just enjoyed the glorious Spring weather. We took walks around our new neighborhood and hit up any fair or festival that came our way. We ate wherever we wanted without regard to if there was peanut butter on the menu. There are still boxes that are not yet emptied and for the first time, it doesn’t bother me.
He did it again. He talked about his future: the truck he wants and would he have an attic in his house, too? It still takes me by surprise. I love that not only do I believe he has a future, but he believes it, too.
It’s been a year since I kicked off this blog. I was uncertain of what this journey would entail or what the end result would be but I knew in my heart it was the right choice for us. Never could I have imagined the life we live today, 365 days later.
In the two weeks since graduating from peanut OIT my son has tried:
Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups
Peanut Butter Snickers
Peanut Butter Twix
Peanut Butter M&M’s
The night before my son’s 24 peanut challenge I tossed and turned until 3 am when excitement turned to panic. After some essential oils and magnesium I settled enough to sleep for a couple of hours before the alarm sounded and I had to wake the kids up to head to the doctor’s office.
We were excited to see our friends, another family who had been updosing with us since October. The boys (and us moms!) became close friends and after a couple of games of leap frog, they had been on the same dose for two months and were set to graduate together. In the lobby we exchanged quick smiles and were escorted off into the exam rooms.
I’m about a glass and a half of wine in…preceded by roughly 6 cups of coffee throughout the day. It’s possible I might not make it to tomorrow at this rate. I’m not nervous so much as amped up. It’s a good stress, but stress nonetheless. This is the absolute PERFECT time to post on my blog, clearly.
I will tell you, it is nothing short of a miracle when you watch your child eat a whole piece of a food that months earlier could have killed him…and he is FINE. Nothing happens. At all. The months of slow and steady increases during OIT, pushing his little body to adapt and overcome this thing it hates so much have paid off and you are seeing the results, twice a day, every day. A week goes by and you start giving him TWO peanuts twice and day and then….nothing happens! He is fine. He is healthy. His body is strong and getting stronger.
While we wait to get an offer on the house I have started the process of purging clothes that don’t fit and knick knacks I don’t need. I’ve been mentally prepping to spend weeks at a time away from my husband and being the sole care provider for my kids 24/7 for six months, miles and miles away from anyone we know. My heart tells me we will have a blast, staying up late, enjoying four seasons and making memories all while securing a safer, less stressful future for my son. My head keeps me up at night.
© 2020 Amy Billington