I have put this post off, thinking way too hard about how others would perceive my story. In the end, it’s my story and my personal view and if you see it differently, that’s ok. I respect you and I hope you respect me.
By the evening of July 16th, I was messaging my new allergy mom friend in Utah asking when she was leaving to go back home, because I was certain we were not going sell the house and move up there before she flew back to Hawaii with her kids. That night, I had a dream that my son and I were at his first consult with the OIT doctor and I was being reassured that he was, indeed, a candidate and this was all going to be fine. I woke up squished between two kids, which oftentimes happens, and I felt at peace. If you have ever had the unfortunate experience of speaking to me before 9 am and/or my morning coffee, you know this is a rare and wonderful thing.
I looked at each of my kids feeling thankful and not irritated that they were pressed against me and my husband had probably been relegated off to the other side of the house to find a spare bed. Softly speaking out loud, I repeated the words I had been hearing the last two Sunday sermons that I didn’t want to say before this moment, “God, I give up my timing in favor of yours. You know best.”
Two hours later I got a call from a Realtor. An hour later her client was in our home. Two hours after that, we had an offer to buy our house. By the time we went to bed Friday night, we were under contract with a closing date and a solid plan.
I feel it’s important for you all to know that for the last 5 years, our attendance at church has been scant. In fact, for a good portion of that, I couldn’t really even call myself a believer. I never went so far as to say atheist, as I always believed in a higher power, but my view of religion was skeptical at best. Things happen and life changes and you are called to one side or the other, as no one can stay in the middle forever.
In February we visited a church that we are happy to call our home church now. I still have questions, but there is no doubt I believe in God and His purpose for us has been revealed to me over and over since making conscious efforts to give up my own agenda in favor of His will. For example, the following Monday, my husband and I had a long discussion about dedicating himself to one of our businesses and releasing some control of the other to someone else. He chose his focus and within hours he had THREE phone calls with opportunities for the business he decided to focus on.
It’s no secret that my husband and I live in the what if’s and are always playing it safe. The problem is, for the last year we have known that we are not in the right place, but we didn’t know where to go, so we stayed. This was as much of a mental state of mind as it was physical location. In fact, we were making plans for renovations using a home equity loan that was done – we were just about to sign – when at the 11th hour everything fell apart and I knew (and had to convince my husband) that this was the sign to make a break we needed.
It is so easy to be comfortable and stagnant. Despite the future being scary and unknown, I feel confident I am doing exactly what I should be doing right now. I am clear on our mission (freedom from this peanut allergy) and have the right guide for this journey (our doctor in Utah).
I feel incredibly blessed to be twelve short days away from moving day. Although it’s stressful, I’m ready to start this incredible journey with my family that will lift so many restrictions off my six year old’s life. Thank you all for reading my blog and messaging and texting me…I appreciate the support!