Wow. Nothing like realizing what a fucked up mess you really are. In September I committed to attending the Food Allergy Bloggers Conference in Denver. Keep in mind, I haven’t flown since 2013 due to in large part to managing my son’s peanut allergy at 20000 feet. So here I am in the air thinking back on the last 12 hours.
The hours I spent tossing and turning in my bed, trying to talk myself out of getting on this plane. The way I purposefully held my face in what I hoped was a calm mask as our plane lifted off the runway.
Make no mistake, I want to go. I’m thrilled to go. Once upon a time I was a regular flier, but this was many years and two kids ago. I’ve never had so much to lose. Do I logically think my flights will be anything other than boring? No. I worry for the sake of worrying. I’m basically a walking, talking, Worst Case Scenario Handbook right now. I wonder how my kids would grow up without a mom. I wonder how I would go on without them and my husband if something happened while I wasn’t around (to what? SAVE them??).
There’s nothing logical about anxiety. None of this existed before my sons peanut allergy if I want to get to the root of it. We faced a deep life and death fear so strong, it got to me. Badly, apparently. Before I’ve even reached my destination I’ve discovered opportunity. A little more work to do on myself. My son is safe. Now I need to remind my heart and head of that.
I’d love to hear your best anxiety and fear-reducing tips. Would you like me to share more about this part of our food allergy journey – the emotional toll on the family? Leave a comment below.
A big thank you to my seat mates Jake and Chris for moving out of my way without dirty looks or annoyed sighs when I had to use the restroom on our short hour and a half long flight. P.S. Don’t forget my advice, Jake!